Betrayal Trauma Therapy

Betrayal: it overwhelms everything into surviving the moment

Therapy for painful relationships in person in Wichita and online across Kansas

What is Betrayal Trauma?

When someone you loved and trusted turns out to have a hidden side that changes the whole narrative, the impact on you can be profoundly destabilizing. Lies, betrayal, and violation replace trust: it turns the world upside down and you’re now spinning in a vortex that you can’t see any exit from.

If it hounds all your waking thoughts, you feel like you’re going crazy, and you can barely function, know that this is a common reaction to betrayal. It’s not unusual for the shock of betrayal to generate symptoms on par with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Look at these four categories of PTSD symptoms and see if some of it describes what you’re experiencing right now:

• intrusive memories (flashbacks, nightmares, fear, triggers, imagining what they did)

• avoidance (staying super busy, avoiding information like you can keep it from being real)

• negative feelings and beliefs (loss of confidence, shame, self-blame, feeling foolish, struggling to trust others, anger, rage, needing control)

• a nervous system that's haywire (panic attacks, insomnia, trouble concentrating, numbness, constantly scanning for more betrayals)

If you’re experiencing these symptoms, start by telling yourself: “I’m not crazy. This was genuinely traumatic and my brain is overwhelmed right now.”

Then consider seeking therapy from someone who is familiar with the dynamics of betrayal trauma and recovery. Compassionate treatment can help these symptoms recede, help you make sense of what happened, and help you rebuild a sense of safety.

Betrayal trauma recovery: looking toward the future

Betrayal Trauma Counseling

The immediate question looming over you may be: should I stay or should I go? Some people instantly know their answer, but it’s also common to feel conflicted and uncertain for quite some time. You may also feel conflicted about how much information to seek: should you ask for every detail or is it better not to know? And it’s likely that you’re replaying your life up to this moment: how did I miss the signs and what was even real? These questions leave your life in limbo, endlessly churning through your brain and body with insomnia, appetite changes, numbness and powerful emotions. Untreated, these symptoms can last a long time.

But therapy can help you find your footing even while you exist in these unknowns. Early on, that therapy may include:

• Identifying what boundaries you need to feel semi-stable right now

• Finding your way back to sleeping and eating

• Processing anger, fear, and grief

• Offloading the floods of shame and self-blame

• Rebuilding a sense of identity and peace - safely

• Reducing feelings of hypervigilance and the experience of rumination

• Holding the ricocheting feelings you may have about the person who betrayed you

• Sorting through other voices in the situation who are telling you what to do

• Addressing trauma bonds, if relevant

After things feel more stable (and only on the timeline that your nervous system is ready for) trauma treatments such as EMDR or other options may be introduced so that you brain and body can step away from the throes of PTSD. Eventually, you may even find a blossoming of new good things in places that right now feel shattered beyond repair: the process of healing trauma is not just about erasing bad symptoms but also about empowering you to move forward in growth and healing toward new good things.

You can read more about sorting through the options to find a therapist for PTSD here, and you may find it helpful to additionally search for a therapist who is familiar with betrayal trauma.

Trauma recovery isn’t just healing the broken, frozen things: it allows new things to blossom and flourish too

Therapy for Betrayal in Wichita, KS

They say that “Time heals all wounds,” but I would adjust the cliche this way: Time alone doesn’t heal all wounds, but they do take time to heal. Sometimes it takes more than just time to regain stability: sometimes you need active treatment to find healing. And even so, that healing won’t be strictly linear: you’re likely to experience back-and-forth, up-and-down emotions and thoughts for quite some time.

But healing starts showing up in small ways: you sleep one night, you go twenty minutes without thinking of the betrayal one day, you belly laugh with friends for the first time, you experience a trigger and move through it without spiraling. Eventually, you have sorted through important memories to decide what narrative you can hold about them going forward, and you know who and what you’re going to trust in future.

And, eventually, you get clarity on what to do with the relationship in future. If you decide this is a relationship that can be rebuilt, therapy can help you walk through the delicate, up-and-down process of healing while still in relationship. If you decide to end the relationship, therapy can help you regain footing in a new, different life. You are in charge of what direction you go: the goal of therapy is to help you feel more like yourself again, only stronger, more confident and wiser. (If that sounds like a pipe dream from where you’re sitting right now, that’s normal! Remember to keep telling your brain: “I’m not crazy. This is genuinely traumatic and my brain is overwhelmed right now.”)

Ultimately, whether you walk away or remain in relationship, betrayal reorganizes the landscape, and healing is about building entirely new paths in the shifted terrain. You don’t have to figure this out all by yourself though: help is available. If you need support getting your footing, you can read more about me here and then reach out today to schedule your free consultation. I offer consultations to all new clients because I believe you deserve to feel safe, hopeful and confident that you’re in the right place for the work you want to do, when you begin therapy.

Elizabeth Peters, LMSW is a licensed therapist seeing clients in person in Wichita and online across Kansas. She provides EMDR and somatic therapy for adults who are overwhelmed by anxiety, trauma, painful relationships or spiritual harm.